This week I want to discuss something quite unique for isolated communities such as Arecibo observatory: the social culture, and how I see it personally in contrast to my past.
But first some background: The number of scientific staff at the observatory is relatively small. Our group has currently only 5-6 people, and the radio astronomy and atmospheric groups are not significantly bigger. From the doctoral staff, only one is originally from the island, others are mostly from the States with only a few exceptions.
I don't know if it's really so exceptional for American culture but here the work community is the most important social contact also outside work. We go to lunch together, have a tea time regularly between 3 and 4 p.m., and sometimes also go to dinner together. For seasonal celebrations such as halloween, there can be a party for all the science staff at someone's home. There is a social gap between the scientific and other staff, most of whom are locals, but for me even seeing the whole science staff gathering together for fun at someone's home is extraordinary.
Last week we went to some local bars with some of my colleagues. At some point one of them wondered that I hadn't said much during the whole evening. They asked me to tell some Finnish jokes just to get me talking, and although I couldn't think of any at that time, I looked up a few for this week. I realized that the jokes may not strike Americans as very funny unless they know Finnish people, because all the jokes that are not about drinking are about social awkwardness, and thus may seem awkward. Example: "Why is Finnish called Finnish? Because if you ask something from a Finnish person, the answer is the finish of the conversation".
After one of the jokes one person commented to have heard the same joke with "Finnish" replaced with "a physicist". I can't give a reference but I think it's true that physicists (including astronomers etc.) in average are more introverted than all the population in average. So if the Finnish people are in the more introverted end of the spectrum, and so are physicists, where do you think I am? And, although extraversion/introversion is a spectrum, should a different spectrum be used for different nationalities, or is there only one absolute spectrum? For Americans, outgoing and talkative traits are encouraged, while the Finnish societal norms encourage to talk less and just mind your own business.
Have you ever thought what part of your behavior is genetic/in your nature and what is learned through experience? In theory, the part that is genetic may be controlled but not changed and thus simply has to be accepted, whereas the part that is learned can be changed, even if it might feel difficult. If the learned behavior – or a peer pressure toward a certain kind of behavior – contradicts the natural response, problems might emerge. If I don't know whether a certain behavior is learned or not, trying to change natural behavior due to peer pressure would be even more stressful than just acknowledging a lack of skill (e.g., small talk skills).
On my part, I am very quiet and reserved compared to many other young Finnish women and I know that it's in part genetic because my family is in many ways very similar to me. But I know that I'm definitely not at the end of the spectrum and that part of my social insecurity is learned through childhood experiences, such as being bullied or socially excluded. Insecurity of oneself seems to be a common problem among young women who are otherwise highly skilled (a.k.a. the impostor syndrome/experience).
Although I'm quiet and reserved, I'm also social. If I should choose between reading at home or going to a restaurant with friends, I'd choose the restaurant. But because of the social insecurity, I need friends who are socially unreserved. In Finland, I had a lot of difficulties to make friends and trust that the people would like to be friends with me; most people don't come and chat spontaneously, which gives me a feeling that I'm being criticized by the others in some way even when I'm not. Or sometimes even when they do come, they leave as soon as they notice the reserve or misinterpret it as arrogance or such. Even the friendships that I had managed to build at some point wilted as keeping in touch by calling or messaging regularly felt like a Herculean task. Therefore I often had only one or two good friends at a time, one being a boyfriend.
Yesterday my colleague Linda asked if I feel included in the group. To be honest, for almost my entire life since I even began to think about it, it's been difficult for me to feel included in any group. This week I've had a dinner party, a pizza party with a bar tour, and a pool party with my research group in addition to the normal work hours with the same people. The team is small and none of the group members is more than 8 years older than me. Of course a team spirit needs time to grow but I feel that everyone is participating in helping it bloom. I've never felt more included in any group after two weeks, and I'm trustful that I will be able to say the same for any time period after this.
One of the things I really want from my post-doc period here is to learn away from the stereotypic Finnish social norms, which kill the conversation before it even starts. I want to be able to say how much I loved the time I spent with someone instead of "Did you have fun? – Yup." I want to be able to hug people without reserve and tell that I care. I mean, it's not rocket science. But I wish I could learn it anyway.
The coquí report #3: Still none seen. I should really go and try to find one just to avoid getting too repetitive. Otherwise I'll have to write a post next week about laziness.
P.S. If you haven't seen the Finnish Nightmares, take a look.
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